Failed attempt at Love

"Why are you still single?" This question has an insulting undertone, if you'll ask me( It's like asking, What is wrong with you? You're probably a witch or something hahaha). And yes, I have been asked the very same impertinent question countless times. So I decided I can discuss my issues ,or the lack of it, in this blog. Forgive me if this will sound like whining or whatever! I'm gonna do it, anyway. :P :P

So I'm 26 and never did I have a relationship that lasted longer than four months. The first time I allowed the guy to get lucky (me as his girlfriend? oh yes! hahaha ) was when I was 18. It didn't involve the emotion called love, though. It was more of friends-all- have-boyfriends-I-want-to-get-one-myself kind of thing. Because I wasn't the kind of girl to get easily comfortable around guys, I have actually anticipated the break-up. And so we did, not because of my doing but because he cheated, or so I've heard. On a hindsight, I wasn't really sure if there is any truth in the matter but it was done, I'm free again. I can tell that Robbie wanted to keep the relationship so he tried to reason out with me. Explaining himself to no avail, I, unforgivingly, ignored his efforts. It was a horrible feeling.:'( 

So I made myself a deal. I have to, at least like the guy on a closer to falling-in-love level.   It wasn't until after 4 or so years that I found the guy. I kept my end of the deal, I liked him. I expected to fall head over heals, dive in head first for this guy but it didn't happen. Four months is long enough to know that this will not go the way I wanted it to be. I ended it. 

I was almost convinced there is something utterly wrong with me. Why do I seem to be incapable of this emotion? I have dreamed of being with someone, completely loved and enjoying the feeling like basking in the summer sun. Some would say, it was because I set a very high standard. Believe me, there wasn't any. Of course there are list of things I'd like the guy to be but that doesn't mean it has to be followed. It would be the height of foolishness to love a guy because of what he is or what he has (screams the romantic side of me).  

Anyhow, I'm not losing hope and I have discarded that stupid notion that something is amiss. I simply did not find the right guy. He might be on his way or lost somewhere in the crowd of pretty faces. He will find me soon, or sooner.